Sunday, April 29, 2012

Love for Hockey

Reasons why I feel bad for people who aren’t hockey fans: You get to watch hot grown men act gay with each other (there’s a lot of touching, embracing, sometimes kissing, shirtless ordeals in the locker room especially while wearing spandex, etc.) You can interact easily with the players through Twitter and there’s a good chance you’ll meet a player at least once in your life Hockey players have the best personalities and will make you laugh hysterically, guaranteed Since hockey is so fast-paced, there are one too many derps. Some guys fall all the time (#HartnellDown) and some just can’t keep a normal face (Toews, Paille…) The celebrations are either really adorable or really funny (#Landeskoging… Anisimov - shoot the goalie!) There are more bromances in hockey than almost any other sport. Some of the most popular ones are Milan Lucic and Nathan Horton, Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane, Brad Marchand and Tyler Seguin, and there used to be Talbot and Fleury A lot of the players increase their good looks by having foreign accents or speaking French. Some of them pronounce words funny and it’s adorable. David Krejci says ‘together’ as ‘togedder’ and Evgeni Malkin, Alex Ovechkin, Ilya Bryzgalov, and almost every other Russian have broken English. They use parentheses when they’re happy))) and when they’re sad(((. Bryzgalov says things such as “my husky basically hot girl” and “hot chocolate such nice drink with marshamallow ))” Fighting is another big part. It’s really exciting and who doesn’t love seeing men on skates beat the shit out of each other? Sometimes it’s a one on one fight and other times it’s a full on brawl. The goalies may even get involved. All men aside, the game in general is to die for. The fast-paced, heart-wrenching action and the fact that it’s a game of inches is guaranteed to take about ten years off your life. But it’s not just a game - it’s so much more. So if you’re not a hockey fan, take the time to sit down one day and watch a period or two. It could change your life. I know it changed mine.